"Ditching! Ditching! Ditching!" Yells the instructor man with the wrinkles and clean cut hair fatter than he once was, crammed into a blue and black wetsuit a retired soldier, hired back as a civilian under contract still he considers himself one of us Proud, been there, done that I have my arms crossed, hands reaching high around my neck gripping black seatbelt straps at shoulder level "Keep your head down. Brace position!" He says it sternly, but with a look that lets me know he has my best interests in mind I obey The sound of a large electric motor we are being lowered a living sacrifice to the unforgiving and serious pool no children play in this pool this pool is business only military training, only the best, we are trained to react without thinking apparently it is much harder to think in combat situations I’ll find out soon enough Today it is Dunker training Im focused on $1,000 a head, for a 2 day class this is for my benefit, my survival, thank you uncle Sam my life is not priceless to the army, it does carry a high price tag I know we are in the water It is all around, but not rushing in yet Waiting, waiting time changes the seconds feel like minutes my heart speeds up fast deep breaths, in and out Im thinking, "My last inhale must be timed perfectly" "Have to be ready. Otherwise...." But then the time for thinking in words and sentences is over like a scared animal, reactions, survival the water is rushing in, wrathful, loud time accelerates, faster than normal, as if to catch up the water is at my feet, then at my chest faster than I remembered from the last one I breathe in deep and fast and hard, Desperately My head tilted back, I feel it enter my ears the sound of gushing and rushing replaced by the sound of nothing, like pressing mute some water goes down my throat before my mouth is sealed I want to cough, but that would be too costly I swallow hard Time slows again Calmness, Peaceful silence, Submerged "I timed it wrong again" I think, smiling to myself I shake my head in slow motion "Nate you big retard" I feel my head tilt We are rolling, tumbling I expected this, upside down world, helicopters are extremely top heavy I close my eyes, weightless Upside down, the water finds its way into my nose Pressured into my sinus cavity I feel it above my eyes, PAIN "Quit bein such a pussy" my tough guy alter ego mocks me I am relaxed now though Always relaxed under water... at first I remember underwater swimming competitions in 6th grade I always won, "Big lungs" everybody would say "You must have big lungs" Why did I ever start smoking, how completely stupid Five years or more I smoked I hate the first one and the last one, and all the ones in-between Cigarettes, little cancer sticks, little lies little vacations from stress for the weak and stupid I release my hands from the brace position My right hand slides forward to my knee Slowly, deliberately Now straight out to the side and the jettison handle should be right there I feel a window, a ledge, the smooth side of the door "Where is that damn handle" I slide my hand around in broad circles Anger now, Frustration, Impatience: they burn up the precious oxygen in my blood "When I find you Im gonna break you riGHT OFF YOU LITTLE..." My hand grasps it and pulls back hard on it Relief I feel the door popping out, slowly drifting away and up, up towards the bottom Like a close friend saying goodbye till who knows when taking his time in case some important thing comes to him that must be said It’s slowness reminds me, "Stay calm, be smooth, don’t panic." I reach my right hand up, up towards the bottom of the deep pool Rest it on the outer portion of where the door used to be With my left I grab the center piece of the five point harness the circular belt buckle where it all comes together I twist it and pull, the restraints fall off, releasing me Wait, No they don’t, No they didn’t, The two on my right side are stuck my right hand is already pulling me out the door but I am being held back my lungs are calling my brain now, on the special red telephone in the oval office "What’s the problem?" the Commander in Chief of my body wants to know "Well sir, uhh, not really a big problem yet..." my lungs reply "Just sorta wondering.. are we gonna get that air any time soon? Don’t mean to sound impatient... but we did send up a request about a minute and a half ago. We trust that you did... get that request. Right?" "Of course I got it" says the brain "Hang on the right arm is calling" "Right Arm reporting Sir" "Yes, go ahead" "I did the last assigned mission as ordered sir, but I wanted to let you know... Im feeling a tight pinch around the shoulder area. Not sure what that could be... just checkin in to make sure you want me to go ahead with the follow on mission... Operation Swimming Motion?" "No, no, no!" screams the brain "We’re stuck! Proceed with the back up plan! Operation get untangled! This was all in the pre-mission brief! The bloody contingency you idiot! Weren’t you paying attention?" Oddly enough my body somehow finds its way out of the deadly predicament Seemingly without much stellar leadership from the Commander in Chief Even if I hadn’t got myself out though... the old man in the wetsuit was there beside me all along peering at me through his scuba diver face mask probably wishing he could be young and dumb again so he could go risk his life for his country once more All I know is Im at the surface breathing again coughing blowing chlorinated snot from my nose making a pitiful attempt at treading water with combat boots on the helmet they got for me is a size to big sagging down over my face my head is tilted far back so that I can see everybody I feel childish I must look ridiculous The man in the wet suit treads beside me "Good work" he says, pulling off his mask smiling big, the sternness gone now "Way to stay calm and take your time under there" a slight hint of sarcasm, but the look he gives me is one of encouragement "I kinda got stuck" I say, humbled he nods his head knowingly "Ready to do it again?!" | 
